page o sardar 

for those of you who don't know what a sardar is it's the person all Indian's make Fun of.  like how Americans make fun of polish people Indians make fun of sardar's.

 

Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe
of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500"?
Santa: "But you're too damn good".
 


Gary: "I'll play left handed".
 
Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8
Moves ....... 
 


Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane.
 


Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov.
 


Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa) 
Santa: "kyon" (why)?
 


Banta: "Abe chooteye ........ Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai". (You idiot, Gary
Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed).
 
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his 
father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could 
only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because 
I am Sardar?"
 
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his
father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other 
kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this 
because I am Sardar ??"
 
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, 
today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, 
I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
 
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

 

 

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"


Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in
six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."


 Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

 

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?   
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth

 

Why can't Sardar dial 911?

They can not find the eleven on the phone

 

 

Top 10 Rules of filmmaking in Bollywood

 

1.     Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on
different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will
suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the
villain (who is the real bad guy), and be pardoned for all his
sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible
only if he has a heroine - see rule).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines,
the excess heroes/heroines will
- die
- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the
end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other
savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it
is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else,
it will be overruled.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e.
the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within
the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a
bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
- miss
- run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless
the hero is required to die, as in rule).

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
- pots
- barrels
- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9. Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by
- the brothers
- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in
order to regain her sight in the climax)
- the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after
20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes
after coming out of the theatre.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by
the villain before the titles.
- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule),
saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him
in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter
is in love with the anti-hero.
- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick)
unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the
climax.

 

 

a sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill Clinton.

Bill : i want to show you the US advancement. come with me .

(he takes him in a deep forest)

bill : dig the ground.
sardarji did it.
bill : more..more..more...

(sardarji went upto 100 feet)

bill : so now , try to search something.
sardarji : i got a wire.
bill : you know, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones.

sardarji became frustrated. he invited Bill to india.

NEXT YEAR BILL VISITS INDIA

sardarji : i want to show you our advancement.

the same, he takes Bill in forest .

sardar : dig it .
bill does.

sardar : more ..more ..more ..........

(bill goes upto almost 400 feet..)

sardarji : try to find something.


bill tries.

sardarji : did you get anything ?
bill : no.

sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS.

 

Height of names....

 

"Your name?"
"Dinesh."
"How do you spell it?"
"D-I-N...."
"Slow, slow, T?"
"No, D."
"Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
"No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
"I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in as in
Detroit?"
"I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came to
the US from Madras."
"OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I- ?"
"D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
"Is that your last name or first name?"
"Uh? Dinesh is my name."
"OK. What is your LAst name?"
"That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
"Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
"No. My name is Dinesh."
"But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT YOUR LAST NAME."
"I told you, Dinesh. I always had the same name, from birth till now.
DINESH. That's my name."
"OK, what is your family name?"
"Family? Family name? My family doesn't have a name."
"What do the neighbors call you?"
"Dinesh."
"Not you. Your whole family. What do they call your family?"
"Beedida bhat'rr."
"So, that is your family name. Do you understand?
" How do you spell that?"
"Spell what?"
"B.D. whatever you said, what your neighbors call your family."
"Oh, that ... Beedida bhat'rr.
"What do you need that for? It only means 'the brahmin who makes
beedis.'"
"What are B-Ds?"
"Not B-D. Beedi, is like a cigarette, you see, they roll the tobacco
in a leaf and tie a thread around it. 25 in a kattu."
"25 in a what?"
"Kattu, or katta, whatever. Like a bunch, you see. If there is even
one less or one more, my father could always tell without counting.
He then taught me how to do it."
"I am not worried about your 'cutter' or whatever.
What-is-your-last-name?"
"I told you, Dinesh."
"OK, OK, I don't want to go over this again. What is common to the
names of all the members of your family?"
"They are all in Sanskrit. My first sister is Suneetha, the second
sister is Sumathi ... "
"Not about the language. When you write your name, and your sister
writes her name, what do you two have in common?"
"We have the same handwriting. Even my father can't tell our handwritings
apart."
"Blast it! What is your father's name?"
"G.K.Nettar."
"What does G.K. stand for?"
"His name, Gopala Krishna."
"Then what is Nettar?"
"That is our house name."
"House name? Aha, does every one at your house have this name?"
"It is not our name. It is the name of our house. Strictly
speaking, it should be Honnadka. But my father was too lazy to change it.
My
father was born in Honnadka, but, see, my grandfather was born in Nettar."
"What was his name?"
"I told you, G.K.Nettar."
"Your grandfather was also called G.K. whatever?"
"No. That is my father."
"Then what is your grandfather's name?"
"Govinda Bhat. See, my relatives still call me Mangalore Govinda.
Because it is a tradition to name the first son after his grandfather.
All the brothers of my father have done this. So, we have Honnadka
Govinda, Jogibettu Govinda, Kanchodu Govinda, and I am Mangalore Govinda."
"So, then, your name is Mangalore Govinda, not Dinesh."
"No. My name is Dinesh. Mangalore Govinda is how my relatives call me.
That is not my NAme."
"What do they call your sister?"
"Ammanni."
"What? You said her name is Sooneetha."
"Yes, that is her name, Suneetha, but we call her Ammanni."
"Is that her nick-name?"
"No. she doesn't have a nick name. Only our neighbor's daughter has a
nick name. She is called 'soote'. She is very active. That's why."
"What about your brother?"
"I have no brothers. But then, you can count all those Govindas as my
brothers too. See, they are really kind of my brothers."
"OK, what are their names?"
"The oldest one, he is my big brother. He is called GovindaNNa."
"Govind Anna? Then Anna is his last name."
"No, ANNA, not anna. ANNA means big brother."
"What is his NAME?"
"His name is Govinda Bhat."
"Then your last name is But."
"Not but, Bhat, B-H-A-T. But that's not his name, you see."
"If that's not his name, what is it? Why does he have it in his name?"
"Bhat simply means he is a brahmin. He might as well write Rao,like his
father does, or Sharma, like my father's second brother does."
"How does he write his name in official papers?"
"Nettar Govinda Bhat. That's how he writes it."
"How does his father write it?"
"Nettar Venkata Subba Rao."
"Aha, I can see now. Your father is G.K.Nettar, his brother is Nettar
something Rao... your last name is then Nettar. Aha, I got it."
"But Nettar is not the last name. It is the house name."
"I don't care. Tell me one last time, what is YOUR last name?"
"But I told you, my last name is the same as my first name, my only name,
Dinesh."
"Then, I am going to write Nettar here. I don't care if it is your
house name, your grandfather's name, your dog's name, whatever. It is
your last name. How do you spell it? N-E-..."
"N-E-T-T-A-R."
"N-E-T-T-? Is that T as in Tom or D as in Dennis?"
"My name is Dinesh, not Dennis."
"AARRGGHHHHH. Do we have to go through this again? Here, write it down."
"That's it. From now on, you are Dinesh Nettar, Dinesh is your
first name, and Nettar is your last name. OK?

 

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